- If you TELL someone you’re going to have sex with them (as in, ”And if you’re not going to let me spank you – which you deserve – I’m going to fuck you on the couch this minute, quickly, for my pleasure, not yours.”), that’s not asking, and that’s not consent.
- And Ana has no idea how to use them. When he asks her to reiterate their safewords near the end of the book, this happens:
“We don’t have a signed contract, Anastasia. But we’ve discussed limits. And I want to re-iterate we have safe words, okay?”
Holy fuck… what has he got planned that I need safe words?
If she knew anything about what safewords are for, her first thought would not be “oh, no, I’m gonna have to use my safeword!”
“And how will I use safe words if I’m gagged?”
“First of all, I hope you never have to use them. But if you’re gagged, we’ll use hand signals,” he says simply.
This is not discussion, this is him telling her what’s going to happen, without explaining how it’s going to work. Is he going to give her a bell to drop? Marbles? Will she snap her fingers? I don’t know, Ana doesn’t know, and I’m pretty sure E.L. James doesn’t know, either, since she didn’t do her research.
From somewhere deep inside, I want to beg him to stop. But I don’t. I don’t want to give him the satisfaction.
This is not “it hurts, but I like it too much to stop.” This is not “it hurts, but I know I can take more.” This is, “it hurts, but I don’t want to use my safeword because he’ll lord it over me.”
If Christian Grey had actually properly explained the function and timing of safewords to Ana, I would be more sympathetic. But he didn’t. And now he’s got a sub who isn’t going to ask him to stop when she wants him to.
- If she doesn’t know what she’s agreeing to (she agrees to the “debasement” and signs the NDA before she knows about the kink), that’s not consent. If she’s agreeing because she’s intimidated, that’s not consent. If she’s agreeing because she thinks he’s the only person who she’ll ever be attracted to and so she just has to suck it up and deal, that’s not consent.
- I’m so glad you think so.